A Ginormous Pile of Bikinis

By Sunday, July 20, 2014 0 No tags Permalink 0

Does the word ginormous exist? Probably not, but it does on my dictionary. I made two piles of stuffs today: bikinis and disappointments. The first one was easy to manage and contain the second not so much.

I think I read somewhere that as a younger sibling we always wait for something back when we do something or maybe it has to do with my mom but I do not do well with serving others with no expectations. Every time I do something I want something back, be it a compliment or a massage or anything really but in the least some acknowledgement of my actions. In my marriage it’s one of the things I struggled with the most. I feel lonely and unappreciated all of the time. My husband is a very busy man and I try and occupy myself with tons of stuff such as:
– Working a ton
– Exercising every day
– Tons and tons of hobbies and crafts and personal projects
– Going out with friends and to tech events.

Still I cannot shake the feeling of loneliness and lack of appreciation for the things I do. As much as I try to be a serving wife and do with no expectations at the first complain or mishap I get absurdly angry and cannot control myself. I wish I could serve and give and expect nothing in return but bottom line that’s what I struggle with the most in my relationship. Men are selfish. That’s a fact. He doesn’t want to hurt me on purpose he just does it without noticing and it’s sad and the truth is I have to learn to deal with.

Then I read this book and said they want to make you happy but they are clueless how to. I dream that it would be possible but think highly improbable. Still untangling my disappointment pile it will take a few more days or weeks or years than the bikini one.


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