Sitting on the Toilet, Pondering on Life

By Monday, April 16, 2012 0 No tags Permalink 0

I am sitting on the toilet. Don’t worry, the toilet is in the middle of the master bathroom, it’s the only sitting available in the new apartment we bought and are remodeling. It makes me want to write since it makes me want to laugh and tell the world I am sitting on the toilet. In the middle of the bedroom. Lol.

DSC_2454Had this long discussion over lunch pondering on some of the questions in my last job interview. First qualities they were looking for were “sense of urgency” – that clicked so much with me. I tell my hubby because I love to discuss anything related to psychology but there’s no click there. He just hears and agrees. Sense of urgency is important. Mostly it’s just me talking. But back to the sense of urgency – I feel as though I have always had a sense of urgency in my desires, my achievements. I want the diploma now. And that job now. And the car now. And the house. Waiting until retirement for the Corvette just does not seem fair…

And a lot of things are like that in my life – I fear that I don’t enjoy the present as much waiting for that next thing to happen – as if I would only be truly happy then and there. Reminds me of my father – always wanting to go back to the past or waiting for the future, simply unable to enjoy today. I dread being like that but lately spending way too much time thinking on the what if.

What if I had made different choices and taken a different path? A different college degree, a different job? How much time should I waste thinking about this – is it all a waste of time or should we ponder on the past to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future? And how to regroup after those mistakes? With this career change I really have to put my best foot forward and forget past mistakes, look at the victories only, to have the confidence to face the next challenges – even though it’s hard sometimes.

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